i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
