Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Your penis caused this!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
