I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i came on her dog
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
