using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize