walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
