my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
