I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
