Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
