epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
