youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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