I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
