You're my little dorito
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
