break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
