i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
