Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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