she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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