i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
