There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
