He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
