He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
