Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
