i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is Oprah even human
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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