My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
