Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
