It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
