I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
