Apparently you make a good broom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
