Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
