I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
