I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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