I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
