What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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