She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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