Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
