He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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