Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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