And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
