I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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