We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm always down for nudity.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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