i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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