Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
