Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
