just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
