that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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