i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
