just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
