so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
