why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
