you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
