I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
